Taking Care of Mom (Me) - Part 3

So today, after posting about self-care this weekend, This list of ways to avoid Mom Burn-Out popped up on my facebook wall...  :-)

And I thought of something else...

Sometimes, it could be helpful to cry, to weep, to mourn.  Nothing wrong with a good cry.  Sometimes we need to mourn that our life does not look like our mental picture from before we had kids...grieve that loss...and then move on to accepting reality and looking honestly at our lives and whether there are issues that do need addressed or whether we need to accept and embrace our reality.

Sometimes I just need to acknowledge that life is hard and beautiful intertwined and I just need to keep persevering...whether I get my desired "self-care" or not...

The list could go on...and it may change with seasons of life and certainly person-to-person...because God made us all different!

Taking Care of Mom (Me) - Part 2

More ideas for taking care of mom.

Before I start, I do want to say that your list may look different than mine.  Personalities vary.  Some people need more time alone; some more time with people.  It's okay if our lives look different.  :-)

• Drink a cup of tea.  Take the time to boil the water on the stove instead of the microwave.  The process of making tea is calming for me (although I do tend to get distracted and let my teabag steep to long).
• Eat some chocolate...preferably good quality.  :-)  If I see delicious chocolate at my discount store, I buy it and stash it our of sight (which both keeps it from the kids and out of my sight where I won't eat it as quickly as well).
• Have coffee (or whatever) and chat with a friend.  When my kids were all home, we'd do this at our house while the kids played around us.  Now, sometimes, we enjoy the luxury of a coffee shop...but both things are refreshing for me (unless you then indulge in tons of guilt about what you didn't do...and don't go there...because soul refreshment is good too!)
• Clean something.  Take time to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.  Some people feel uplifted by cleaning...unfortunately, I am not one of them...so if you are like me and can afford it (even occasionally), hire someone to clean your house and enjoy the shine!
• Get dressed...nicely.  I was taught that you felt better if you got dressed (as opposed to staying in pajamas).  I have found this to be true for me...but if it's not for you, that's okay too...but don't knock it unless you've tried it.
• Wear your favorite perfume or makeup even if you're just staying home with the kids and doing laundry...this goes with the one above.  I feel better if I choose to look nice for myself because you can.
• Ration your energy.  If your kids go to school or take naps, consider how you use that afternoon break time.  Do whatever energizes you...whether that's dishes, napping, mopping, blogging, reading a book, or working on your multi-level marketing business or whatever...at least for a short period of time.
• Internet - Consider taking a break from social media if you find that you are depressed and/or snap at your family after you're on it.  Or if it's eating up so much of your time you're getting nothing done.  But if it's encouraging and you can manage your time...then that may be what you need to get some life-giving words as well.  Seems everything can be for good or evil...
• Look for Joy.  I learned this from Ann Voscamp's blog (holyexperience.com I think).  Look for 3 things a day that are gifts of God.
• Call a friend on the phone to chat while you fold laundry.
• Go to a Bible Study or Mom's Group (unless you find that they are depressing because your table group bashes husbands or kids or something like that...but often you can make friends with others in your same situation).
• Get your own therapist.  I can't change much about other people in my life...I can only change myself and how I deal with those people/situations.  Counselors and Therapists are trained to ask tough questions and help us.  Getting some counseling is a sign of strength and of owning your own life.  Sometimes it's hard and you might fight it...  I found it worth it for the insights into my blind spots and the support to make necessary changes in my own life.
• Go outside.  Get some fresh air.
• Get out with your husband (no kids) somewhat regularly (for us, that's roughly 4-6 times a year) for an evening.  A weekend away would be even better.  :-)
• Go out with some friends.
• Consider what music you are listening to...is it feeding your life with positive, uplifting input?  Or feeding discontentment?
• Cross something, anything, off your list (if you are a list maker).  If lists can paralyze you, only list 3-6 things at a time.  Don't add anything until something comes off...and make those lists specific and not to broad.
• Get a job, volunteer or interest outside of whatever the stressful situation is.  Even if it's just a few hours a week...something interesting and that fits your skills or interests...something different to think about.  Sometimes serving others can encourage us as well.
• Or the opposite.  Consider your schedule.  Cut out everything that is not absolutely necessary for a season.  Say "No".  Don't bother with apologies or excuses.  When you are depleted, you may need time to refuel so that you can serve again in the future and don't collapse.

That's probably long enough for today!  I don't do all of these...but this is what I thought of.  What would you add to the list?!

Taking Care of Mom (Me) - Part 1

The topic of self-care seems to come up in various circles of which I'm a part.  I remember blogging on this a long time ago, perhaps when my boys were babies.  I think it may be easier to just type a new post as to try and find that one from so long ago.  :-)

The scriptures admonish us to "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your strength, with all your soul, and with all your mind."  Just as our various parts come together to fully worship God, so we need to nourish the various parts of our being.

So...here are some ideas.  I don't do all of them all of the time...but I find it's good to have lots of options.  :-)

The basics:

1. Our Physical Bodies
1. Sleep - Are we getting enough sleep?  Some times and seasons it is very normal to be sleep deprived.  Sometimes I just recognize the truth of that and muddle through.  But sometimes we need to take steps to make this happen.  When my youngest was a few months shy of 2, I developed physical symptoms with no obvious answers.  Eventually, he started sleeping more and my symptoms disappeared as I got my sleep (and stopped stressing over not sleeping).  As a side note, I knew everything about having kids sleeping well...until #6!  These days lack of sleep comes in staying up late (because those hours of solitude are so precious to the introverted part of me) and reading or mindless activities like TV and internet.  Sometimes I need to turn off the facebook and blogs and just get some rest!
2. Food - Am I feeding my body properly?  For me, the answer is nearly always "No".  Unless, of course, someone else is feeding me.  :-)  I tend to forget to take any multivitamins or supplements that I have good intentions of taking.  I forget to bother drinking water (unless it's in coffee or tea).  I neglect to eat healthy foods...especially if I'm eating at a different time than my family.  I know in my mind that my body requires good food/adequate nourishment to function properly...I just never get around to doing so...
3. Physical Activity - The dreaded "E" word.  I know that 5Ks and electronic devices to track your every move and running is all the rage.  I never managed to get on that bandwagon.  I'm not overly fond of sweating.  I did, however, take the plunge into exercising...at least baby steps.  Last fall we found a used treadmill and my sweet husband went and picked it up.  Since then, I try to walk 20-30 minutes any week day that I don't need to leave the house before 8:30.  Sometimes I even run!  I frequently watch periscopes (educational...feeding my mind as well) or listen to music.  Sometimes I even read...if I'm not walking to quickly
2. Our Spiritual Bodies
1. Scripture - For those of us who are Christians (Followers of Jesus Christ), reading the Bible is an extremely important part of our nourishment.  Blogs and books and devotional guides can be important in our spiritual refreshment, discipline, and growth, but we need the scriptures to discern the truth from the many voices which can be confusing.  I admit that this is an area that ebbs and flows in my life...particularly at times (like now) where I finish one thing (a book study for moms of challenging children) and am not sure where to start again (the Psalms...that's what I've decided).
2. Prayer - Spending time with God in prayer can nourish my soul as well.  Prayer is simply talking to God...sometimes he answers through his Word (the Bible), sometimes through other people, sometimes a reminder of a verse long ago memorized, sometimes "yes", sometimes "no", sometimes "not yet"...  Some people enjoy praying through written prayers.  There have been periods of my life where I've journaled in prayer form to God.
3. Journaling - As mentioned in the prayer point above...sometimes, and for some people, journaling can be helpful in taking care of themselves.  Somehow putting thoughts on paper in tangible form can help me make sense of them.  Some people journal about what they're reading in the Bible or their prayers.

**I personally can struggle all 6 of these self-care items...somehow when I'm feeling overwhelmed with a million things to do, it's hard to make these things priorities...because I can feel like I'm wasting time when I should be being productive (cooking, cleaning, laundry, appointments, homeschooling, and a million other things)!


More thoughts in my next post...

Reflecting..

As I was driving home from my friend's house the other day, a snippet from an old praise song came to my mind..."We bring the sacrifice of praise".  And I was pondering on that for a bit--the sacrifice part of that phrase.  Because I love to sing, and usually it's not much of a sacrifice for me to praise God!  But then I thought about when we choose to praise God during difficult times, seasons, days, years.  I thought about how I can feel like I'm lying to God depending on what song I'm singing.



  And then I thought, perhaps I'm not.  Perhaps, instead, what I'm doing is bringing a sacrifice of praise.  Choosing to praise God.  Choosing to agree with Him that He is sovereign even when I don't like the situation or circumstances.

Hmmm....

I had a lovely blog written in my head while I was driving today.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember it!  Perhaps it will come to me.

In other news, I just finished the book "Building the Bonds of Attachment:  Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children" by Daniel Hughes.  It was excellent and sad and hard all combined.  Last week I read "When  God Doesn't Fix it" by Laura Story.  A beautiful tear-jerker...  Next on my list of "Serious" books is "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach.  Interspersed among that I've been reading Dee Henderson's novels again.

Josiah is at Co-op today...last session for this year!  So my Thursdays will be my own again.  He is working diligently to wrap up his school year in the near future.  As for the other children, this year we will have an 8th Grade Graduation and a Kindergarten graduation...the final kindergarten graduation until grandchildren I believe.  :-)  Little part of me is sad that I don't have little ones any more, but I'm proud of them growing up and embracing what is.

My schedule seems to be freeing up a bit...for now.  Summer's coming and things seem to get a bit hectic when we add all the children being home and gardening into the equation.

I (as usual) do not know what I'm making for supper tonight....

Well, Micah is with Randy so I have a quiet house all to myself...I guess I should make the most of that time...although sitting quietly is quite enjoyable too!

Have a lovely day!

Baltimore - Part 2

After saying our good-byes, we left Randy and headed home.  I had been hoping for a beautiful spring day to enjoy sightseeing in Maryland, but that was not to be.  We chose, however, to make those stops anyway, put our hoods up, and explore.

As it was still rather early, we could only see the gates of Fort McHenry and a glimpse of the Fort through them.  So we headed north in the rain.

We stopped in Aberdeen for 2nd Breakfast (as the hobbits say in Lord of the Rings) at a Panera Bread.

We then went to Havre de Grace.  We saw the Concord Point Light and walked the Promenade, learning about the War of 1812.

We wanted to go to the Havre de Grace Maritime Museum which opened at 10:00...but 10 came and went and it remained closed, so we continued on our way.

Next we went to Elk Neck State Park.  On the way there large, wet snowflakes started hitting my windshield along with the rain, but thankfully it had mostly tapered off when we arrived at the Turkey Point Light Parking Lot.  We hiked out a trail to see the Turkey Point Light.  It was situated on cliffs high above the Chesapeake Bay.

Then we headed home.  When we hit the PA line we started seeing a bit more snow.  As we traveled north, we just saw more and more.  We stopped at a McDonald's in Willow Street for a late lunch.  Due to a mix up of our order, we ended up getting our money refunded as we waited for awhile.  The kids did great with the wait...and the wait allowed a table to open up so we had somewhere to sit.  :-)

We arrived home around 3:30.  I was rather exhausted and chilled through, but the kids were going strong.  Josiah had some friends over in the evening.  The others and I watched "Herbie Rides Again" and went to bed in good time.  It was a good day.

Meanwhile, Randy was riding in the cold and rain and got really sick...but eventually he warmed up and has been doing fine the rest of the week.

Baltimore - Part 1

After a few lovely days earlier last week, it turned cold again...just in time for Randy to start his ride from Baltimore to Key West.  It's been hard for me to explain this exactly.  It's a bike ride and experience to raise awareness and resources for the Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adults.  They do not ride every mile (not possible in a week), nor is it exactly a relay.  The best way I can explain it is that they bike for 8 days.  So the total distance is divided into 8 sections.  Then, the group divides up into teams of 4-6 bikers (which change daily so that everyone can get to know each other).  Each team rides a section of that day's miles so that all miles are covered by someone.  They ride approx. 40-60 miles per day although it does vary and they do at least 1 century (100 miles or more).  They also do some other things as part of this experience.  Today, for instance, they spent some time at a cancer center and gave out care packages.

Anyway, so we've been planning for this week for a long time.  Last October Randy applied to be part of the K2K 2016 Team and was accepted.  As this is to raise awareness and funds, each rider was expected to raise a minimum of $4500.  We went out on a limb and set Randy's goal for $5000.  And we made it!  They are still raising funds through the entire ride (ends this Saturday) so if you want to give, go to the Ulman Cancer Fund and donate!

Friday we picked up the kids at school and headed to Baltimore.  Due to some accidents combined with the normal Friday afternoon traffic, we arrived a bit later than we expected.  We got settled in our room and Randy left to go to his send-off dinner.  We hung out in our suite and enjoyed watching cable TV (Alaskan Frontier and Love it or List it :-) )

The view from our 11th floor suite...but it was much lovelier in person.

After a very short night, we went and dropped Randy and his gear off.  Then we went to the Baltimore Museum of Industry to wait for the group to get there and have the official send off.  While we were waiting, we ate some cereal and juice.  I, unfortunately, forgot the milk.

Shortly after 6:30, the group arrived.  There was a ceremony.  And then we said our goodbyes...

It was so cold and rainy!

If you're on facebook...you can see photos about Randy's experience on the Ulman Cancer Fund Key to Keys Facebook Page...https://www.facebook.com/keytokeysride/

Restore

I've never really been one to get into various trends...in this case, the one that floats around in Christian circles around the New Year.  The one about the word for the year.  And people post on social media about their word that they are focusing on.  I don't make resolutions, I don't pick words...at least, not at a proscribed time.  :-)

However, for the first time in my life, I felt a word impressed upon me.  I was walking/running on the treadmill and watching Beauty and the Beast.  (As a side note, all my reading and trauma training has rather ruined every movie in the world for me...I now watch this movie and think about how awesome the Beast's transformation is and about Stockholm Syndrome for Beauty and such...but I try to turn that off and just enjoy the music).  Anyway, I was thinking/praying about various things.  And the word "Restore" was impressed upon me.

This verse from Psalm 51:12 "Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation" came to mind.  As well as the verse in Joel 2:25 about restoring the years the locust had eaten.  Then a few days later, Psalm 23..."He restores my soul".  And I've been pondering these verses, this word.

I'm not sure what it all means.  The last few years have had very difficult moments.  And we still have our times although with the therapy of the past year things are better.  We still have questions.  We still are not God and don't know the future....  I'm not sure if this is for me personally, for my family, for my close friends, for now, for the future.  But I trust that some day I will understand.  As God tells us in his word, "Now we see through a glass darkly, then we shall see face to face."  1 Cor. 13.

April is rushing along...

...and somehow I only posted once in March.  I have assorted posts in my head, just need to take the time to put them down and publish them!  :-)

It's cold and damp here.  Looking forward to when the warmer weather stays for more than a few days.  Hard to believe that the pools open in about 7 weeks!

Randy is currently in the Carolinas on his Ulman Cancer Fund Key to Keys Experience.  Every day this week he will be biking to raise awareness for the fund.  I'm looking forward to hearing about it and stalking Ulman's facebook page for photos of the ride.  :-)  I'd like to do an official post of our weekend...hopefully sometime today yet!

Josiah has a few more weeks of school.  The other kids have 7 weeks left.  End of Year field trips start this year with Micah's trip.

Have a lovely week!  I hope to be back on here today or tomorrow with some of those "in my head" posts.  :-)